


There's so much I want to say

by Yamiyoru



Series: Simple Bliss [1]
Category: Persona 3, Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Language of Flowers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 19:31:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3990034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamiyoru/pseuds/Yamiyoru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things that Souji wants to say to Yosuke, even if he doesn't hear it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's so much I want to say

**Author's Note:**

> AU, in which Souji is a singer, Yosuke is his lead guitarist. Be warned, lousy writing and grammar mistakes. 
> 
> This is inspired by a few music pieces as follow.  
> Anata ni suki to iwaretai by Oku Hanako  
> Everything's alright by Laura Shigihara  
> Somewhere by Within Temptation

Date: May 15, 2015

_Can you hear me?_  
_I wish my voice reaches you._  
_I pray every day you do._  


_「Unheard」 Catch the latest single from izaRaiya. Coming to stores nationwide in June._

Standing at the junction of the busiest area of Shibuya, Souji waited for the lights to turn red. While waiting, he peered up at the large screen above through his glasses. It has now changed to an advertisement on a new drink - Cherry Smash. By the time the lights changed, the advertisements had gone through many others and came back to the new single of izaRaiya. Picking up the pace, Souji crossed the road, towards the train station as the song faded away behind. 

After boarding the train, Souji slipped his guitar off his tense shoulder and balanced it against him. Confident the instrument would not drop, he pulled his bright orange headphones up to his ears. As the familiar music from his never changing playlist flowed into his ears, he leaned against the train door and stared out at the moving scenery. 

_I should get him some new flowers. That room is too white._

With the new single coming out, his schedule would be packed to the brim. From more training, rehearsal to attending music shows. However, Naoto was an excellent manager and planned his schedule to the very second, giving him enough time for the one thing bugging his mind every minute and he was grateful to the lady for that. 

'Yosuke, how are you today?' Souji tried to sound as cheerful as he could manage but it was getting harder each time he walked in. 'I got you some new flowers. It's daffodil this time. The shop attendant said it's in season.' 

Trying not to let his sadness escape in his voice, he recounted his day while he switched out the dried carnation. 'I saw Kanji today. His new song "I'll beat some sense into you" is really high on the charts now. He was so worried his fans would take it the other way when he announced that his hobby is knitting. Death music and knitting doesn't match or so he said but I'm glad he decided to be honest with himself. In fact, his fans are so supportive of him, they created a webpage of his knitted dolls. All well ends well. I'm happy for him. Oh ya, our new single is going to be out next month. I'm calling it 'Unheard'. What do you think of the name?' 

He gathered his courage to sneak a peek but there's no reaction from Yosuke. Not even a twitch in those slender fingers resting over the beige blanket. It was the same for the past 2 years as Yosuke laid on this bed, in a comatose state. He walked in everyday with a rekindled hope that Yosuke would be sitting up on the bed. That Yosuke would turn to him wearing the bright playful smile he always did and tells him he was only joking. However, it never happened. 

Swallowing the building lump in his throat, he closed the distance and took Yosuke's pale hand into his own. He always enjoyed admiring Yosuke as he played the electric guitar. The way the fingers moved over the strings, the way he tapped his foot to the rhythm and the smile thrown at him at the end of each song captivated his attention and trapped his soul. Of course, it also earned him a scolding from the instructor or their manager that he was not focusing. Yosuke would then tease him, telling him he preferred a girl staring at him and not Souji. That was their idol lifestyle. It was tiring on many days but Souji did not mind as long as Yosuke was with him. It was simple and happy. 

It really was.

Now, the fingers he admired sleep like their owner, unresponsive to his caresses. The lips that never missed a chance to tease him remained sealed. The band members used to sit around with their manager discussing ways to make sure Yosuke did not say anything wrong during an interview or live event. Yosuke would pout at them and argue it was not as bad as they put it. He carefully moisturised the same lips with a damp cotton bud and held a one sided conversation in the terrifying silence till the very last second of the permitted visiting hours. If given a choice, Souji would beg and give anything to see those lips part and hear Yosuke called his name one more time. It weighed his heart down heavily whenever he mustered a look at Yosuke's frail form on the bed, yearning for a response but to be rejected by reality. Even so, he returned every day to take care of his treasured childhood friend.

Yosuke was his first friend he made when he moved to Inaba with his mother years ago. With his father’s passing, his mother decided to move into his uncle’s house, which lacked a motherly figure as well for the young Nanako. The Dojima siblings believed it would bring a more balanced family life, except it did not. He remembered being bullied and called names by his classmates, all because his father and Nanako’s mother passed away early. Shouts of his family was jinxed still rang in his ears and he would sit at the riverbank sulking but refusing to let his tears flow. And then, Yosuke popped out of nowhere with his hand out stretched wanting to be friends. He was the kid of the ‘jinxed’ family while Yosuke was the kid, whose family manages the local supermall that caused the closure of many local stores, wasn’t welcomed either. Yosuke insisted they were perfect for each other for they were star crossed partners. He was not sure why but on that day, he took Yosuke’s hand without hesitation. 

_'Are you the new kid? I'm Hanamura Yosuke.'_

They were always together. They would play and struggle with their homework on the Junes rooftop playground. Souji often brought Nanako over to Yosuke's house to play the piano. They sat by the riverbank and talked about their dreams when they grew up. Even when they were in their late teens, they were inseparable, so much so that Chie told them they are adjoined twins. That was until Konishi Saki came into Yosuke’s life.....Their conversation was no longer on themselves but around her and when Souji heard from his uncle that Konishi was one of the murdered victims of the kidnapping cases, he would never admit it but he felt this slight joy deep inside. When Yosuke came to him crying, he was happy as he hugged and consoled Yosuke by the riverbank, where they first met. 

_I'm a monster._

_'Let's start a band. I can be the lead guitarist and you can be the vocalist.'_

And they did. 

It started as simple performances on the Junes roof to help with events and then, they were scouted by The Blue Velvet and debuted as Fuurai. It was difficult at first, having to juggle between work and study. Yosuke wanted to give up on his degree in piano music but Souji convinced him to continued as a degree will help in the long run. He went as far as taking the same few modules and supervising Yosuke's work like a mother hen. The rest of the band would shake their heads and tell him not to spoil Yosuke or Yosuke would be dependent on him. 

_That's what I want. I want him to be reliant on me. To come to me each time he has trouble._

 

Date: April 02, 2013

_'Is Ai interested in you?'_

_'No.'_

_'You sure? I always see her taking glances at you.'_

_Not interested._

_'She's so cute. You two will look so good together.'_

_You're cuter. Stop talking about her._

_'We are not breaking up.'_

_'My dear partner, who said anything about breaking up the band?'_

 

Date: April 22, 2013

'Please stop and behave like a decent lady.'

Despite his cold tone and harsh words, Souji was not able to make Ebihara stop her advances. She pressed against him intimately against the wall in their changing room prepared for them for the music show later. Souji was the only one there or so he thought as the rest were coming later from a separate recording. He dreaded Ebihara was in the same music show and himself for coming early, which gave her a chance to do whatever she was doing. It was disgusting.

'Why? Don't tell me you don't like it. You should disband and form one with me. Just ditch your so-called partner. He's just a guitarist and holding you back.' 

'Shut up. He's more than you ever will be.' Souji whispered angrily at her. No one insulted his best friend. He did not want to hit a girl but if she continued her nonsense, he might just have to do it. Luckily for both of them, Ebihara backed away with distaste and anger. No man had ever rejected her or humiliated her charm like Souji did. 

'You will regret it.'

Souji did not have time to register her words because he was taken by mere shock when she opened the door to reveal Yosuke, who was standing right outside. Ebihara pushed her way past Yosuke. Even though Ebihara was long out of sight, Yosuke stood in the corridor, not moving, not saying a word. He just stood there and looked at Souji. His expression was blank, not betraying what he felt but Souji knew Yosuke had somehow heard the whole conversation. For the rest of the day, Yosuke did not say anything. He stared ahead with his headphones over his ears the whole time, even on the van when their manager drove everyone home. The band gave each other nervous glances as it was something if their most bubbly member was as silent as a fish. Once inside their home, Yosuke immediately retreated to his room although he wanted to tell Yosuke to ignore what Ebihara said, about Yosuke being a weight down. The only exchange was the click to a locked door. 

He stood outside Yosuke's door for a good hour with so many things he wanted to say and ask. Was Yosuke upset that Ebihara said he was nothing? Or was he angry that Souji did not stood up for him since it was unlikely Yosuke could hear his whispered words? In the end, all he said was reminding Yosuke not to be late for their recording tomorrow. 

_Yosuke. You are everything to me._

 

Date: April 23, 2013

The band thought Yosuke had ditched the recording when he did not show up at the agreed time. It was all a blank when they received the news that Yosuke had a car accident near the school. Souji had no idea how he reached the hospital, only remembering everyone crying and him wanting Yosuke to open his eyes and tell him it was alright, and go back to being besties. He did not even get to hear Yosuke say 'see you' that morning as Yosuke had an early class so he was asleep. Would Yosuke have say anything to him that morning? He might still be mad. Souji had no idea unless Yosuke sat up to tell him otherwise. 

His wishes that day have gone unnoticed. Souji’s heart closed up as Yosuke fell into a deep sleep. He retreated into himself, not showing up for work or school. He mopped around on the floor with beer bottles. He did not dare to go to the hospital, not wanting to relive the nightmare of seeing Yosuke laid on the bed like a corpse.

 

Date: October 16, 2013

It went on for months until Kanji finally snapped and grabbed him from the house, pulling him right up to Yosuke's hospital bed and shouted at him to get his shit together. 

'DO YOU THINK YOSUKE WANTS TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS?! I DON'T THINK SO! IF YOU STILL DON'T GET IT, I WILL PUNCH YOU FOR HIM! HE'S STILL FIGHTING BUT YOU GAVE UP ON HIM!' 

Kanji's words hit him harder than his punches would have. He did not notice Kanji leaving to apologize to the nurses and ask them for permission so Souji coulf be alone with Yosuke. For a long time, he just sat there crying in guilt. He was still crying when the doctor came in to check on Yosuke. He was sure the doctor would chase him out but instead, she kneel before Souji and took him by his arms, guiding him to a chair beside the bed. She passed him a cup of water and asked him to take it easy. After finishing with Yosuke, the doctor turned to him and noting Souji has calmed down enough, the doctor felt it was safer to talk to Souji now. 

'I'm Margaret. Your name would be?' 

'Seta Souji.' 

'Seta san. I know it's not easy but I need you to stop crying the next time you step in here. We don't know for sure but there's always the possibility that Hanamura san can hear the sound around him, including you crying. It's just that his body couldn't respond.'

'He can hear us?' Souji could not quite comprehend the logic but he could grasp some hopes within.

'There are cases in which a comatose patient woke up eventually and said they could hear what everyone said around them but they just couldn't respond. Each coma case is unique so I'm saying it's possible as well for Hanamura san. Thus, if you really care for him, I need you to stop crying and start taking care of yourself. It might affect him negatively if he knows. The medical staffs and I will do our best to help him but there's a limit and you, as a friend or family, can do more, such as talking to him. Even holding his hand will help. I don’t know how it’s like to be in a coma but I would imagine one being really afraid, to be trapped inside and unable to do anything. He needs your support and I can see that you need his just as much. So, please pull yourself together.If you need anything, just give the nurse or me a call. In the meanwhile, please talk to him.' 

_He can hear me?_

Souji picked himself up from the chair and moved closer to Yosuke’s side. He looked so foreign with the bruises painting the exposed skin and tubes poking out from everywhere he puts his sight on. He cupped Yosuke’s hand carefully with both his hands. 

'Yosuke, if you can hear me, I want to say I'm sorry. I should have been here for you.' 

Shortly after, Fuurai was disbanded as everyone needed to move on. They could not wait for Yosuke to wake up and it's _their_ band, no one felt right without Yosuke. They were all given different projects from their President. Souji has requested to be given some time off to finish his degree and to search for a new meaning to his music. The President was reluctant but he yielded at last as it was better than losing his prized singer forever. They all knew why Souji truly needed the time and decided not to push him too hard. 

During his breaks, Souji worked to talk to Yosuke as much as possible. Their roles has switched. It's Yosuke's turn to listen while he talks about everything under the sun. He researched profusely on how to help a comatose person and discussed with Margaret on his findings. At one point, Margaret told him to switch to a medical degree, which he refused as it meant less time with Yosuke. Margaret quickly switched to suggesting that perhaps he could try something that Yosuke was familiar with, such as music since they were musicians. Souji had avoided music as it brought a lot of pain to him but he would do it for Yosuke. 

 

Date: December 24, 2013

He went home and ransacked their music collection. He would play Yosuke's favourite songs over and over. Searching through their computer for more songs, he noticed the folder 'Drafts'. He opened it to find a big list of composed songs by Yosuke. Some were just music pieces waiting for someone to fill in the lyrics. He clicked on the latest dated April 22, 2013 that was named 'There's so much I want to say to you' and for the first time in months, he heard Yosuke singing to the music. He told himself day in and out that he would not cry but the moment he heard the voice his heart was aching for, his tears would not stop.

_Where did I lose you?  
There's so much I want to tell you_

 

Date: May 15, 2015

‘Yosuke. I took your audio draft and turn it into our debut single as IzaRaiya. What do you think of our new Idol name? I’m Iza and you’re Raiya. I think it’s cool.’

‘I found your folder with all your composed music. You should have told us you compose. Theo gave it a go immediately when I showed him 'There's so much I want to say to you' and he said you have talents. He also said he would have looked forward to working with you if he knew.’

‘Yosuke, who do you write this song for? I hope it’s for me and not my wishful thinking. There’s so much I want to say to you too. When you wake up, I will tell you what really happened that day. You are my best bud. I’m here because I have you so…..’

‘Partner, this is our song. I hope you hear my words.’ 

Souji slipped the headphones off his neck and over its original owner. He pressed ‘play’ on the MP3 player and sat back down on the bed. As the soft music of a piano played through the headphones into the ears of the listener, Souji reached down for Yosuke’s hand with one and ran the other hand through the long auburn locks. Yosuke never liked bodily contact but Souji would allow himself this privilege of touching Yosuke without protest. He deserved the consolation since the brunette gave him the silent treatment for months and was still doing so. Eyes blurring from tears, Souji told himself Yosuke would hear his words, the things and thoughts he failed to tell his buddy for too long.

_I wake up to a fog_  
_And you were gone_  
_I search for you endlessly_  
_I call out your name_  
_Yearning you call mine_

_I see a shadow that has your silhouette_  
_I reach out and it vanishes_  
_Where did I lose you?_  
_I hope you are safe_  


_I hear your voice across the street_  
_I ran over and you were gone_  
_All is left was your warm coffee cup_  
_An empty seat at your favourite café_

_Do you know?_  
_I miss you, your smile, your voice_  
_Where did I lose you?_  
_There's so much I want to tell you_

_Can you hear me?_  
_I wish my voice reaches you._  
_I pray every day you do._  
_I pray it’s all a dream_  
_Tell me in your voice_  
_That you’re still here (I’m still here)_

_Have you gone ahead?_  
_Have I left you behind?_  
_Where did I lose you_?  
_You are my eyes_

_Where did I lose you?_  
_You are my voice, my strength, my will_  
_You’re my everything_  
_If you can hear me, I need to tell you_  
_I need you_  
_More than you ever know_  
_So please_  
_Please come back to me_  
_There's so much I want to tell you_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if I got all the music and medical facts wrong. Frankly, I have no knowledge in both fields.  
> When I wrote the lyrics, I was imagining a soft piano piece like the 3 songs that inspired me. I do hope it's not strange. I really don't know how feasible is the lyrics in a song. 
> 
> I’m sorry that I made Ebihara a slut, I needed a bitch and she’s the best one out of all of them.
> 
> I hope you like the story. I had fun writing it and I appreciate any comment.
> 
> I do not own Persona 4.
> 
> More notes:  
> Carnation Red - My Heart Aches for You; Admiration  
> Daffodil - Regard; Unrequited Love; You're the Only One; The Sun is Always Shining When I'm with You
> 
> As for the names, it's just me playing with words.  
> Fuurai (風らい)- A few ways to read it. 1 -Wind and lightning. 2 - With the wind. 3 - Wind is coming.  
> Iza (taken from Izanagi) - Now. Come to me.  
> Raiya (taken from Jiraiya) - Lighting speed.


End file.
